tacos and hot chocolate

The last day of our homestay in Guadalupe was perfect. We hung out with the kids all day, who we had grown very close with over the month, and rode down in the back of the truck in the rain to get ingredients for tacos. We all sat around the table and ate tacos and drank hot chocolate, an odd combination but something that I will always remember, and talked about the past month. Like about when Joel got lost when we went to El Parque Internacional La Amistad, or when we found a kitten stranded by the river and gave him milk and named him Empanadito after the label on the box we put him in, when we sold empanadas up and down the streets, when we picked lemons outside of their house, and all the times that Paddington their dog attacked us because he got excited from us just looking at him. I am never going to forget the house in Guadalupe and the family that we got to live with. I am so appreciative of their generosity. My host mom Alina had the biggest heart and put love into every action.

 It's been so hard for me to sit down to write this blog because I know that this is going to be the first blog that Aunt Nancy doesn't read. This is going to be the first blog that Aunt Nancy already knows about because I know she's been watching over me for the past two weeks. It was so hard to be present during the last week and a half of my homestay in Guadalupe and to smile when Arlette wanted us to carry her around or when Manchas the cat crawled into our lap. It's even harder going back home so soon and returning to a place where Aunt Nancy no longer lives. When I was on the phone with my parents after saying goodbye to Aunt Nancy I mentioned that I had already had so many experiences in Panama and at school that I knew was of Grandma's doing. The little moments when people I didn't know too well took an interest in my wellbeing and happiness or helped me in some way. A perfect example of me seeing Grandma in my life was when I was taking a bus to San Miguel to see my ants and an old man sat next to me. We started talking about why I was in Panama and about the weather and such. He asked if I liked Panama and the "vida lenta" and I said I liked it very much. Oh, and I forgot to mention that this entire time he was straddling a 4ft long machete haha. When there was five minutes until my stop, I told him I needed to tell the bus attendant that my stop was soon. Instead of letting me slide past him into the aisle, he shouted "MUCHACHO!!!! ES LA PARADA DE LA JOVENCITA" and the bus swerved to the side of the road. I had to sheepishly tell everyone that it was not in fact my stop and that it was in five minutes. Although this does not sound like Grandma, when I got off the bus and looked back at the man, he smiled at me and I felt Grandma smiling at me as well. Also, one night in Panama City Bibi as having a lot of trouble with working the tv. I spent a while trying to help her get her channel working and it reminded me so much of Grandma and how she was always calling my dad to help her with the tv remote. I told Bibi that I missed my Grandma very much and she looked me in the eyes and said that my grandma was with me and she's never left my side. In these same ways that Grandma has been with me this past year, I know that Aunt Nancy will be there as well.

During my last days in Guadalupe, I really realized how important my relationships are to me. That's the only thing that got me through everything. I know that it's going to take a lot of time to stop missing Aunt Nancy so much but in the meantime I've been cherishing her generosity and kindness that she showed me every time we talked and I've also been trying to develop my relationships here in Panama. The program ends in a mere two days and I'm going to miss everyone so much. The people that I've gotten an honor to form relationships with have been some of the most amazing people I've ever met. I was so excited to present my project to everyone today and now I'm officially done with the academic part of SIT Panama. 

This semester has truly been life changing. Living not only in a different country, but a different country with 26 other people while meeting amazing families and individuals along the way has been an experience that I will always take with me. My mindset has changed so much about how I go about life. I've learned to let go of so much unnecessary stress. I've reached a lot of my physical and emotional limits. I've learned that people are always going to be more important than everything else. I've learned to be brave and not shy away from things that are scary. I think the most important thing I've learned is that the people around us have so much to teach us, we just need to ask. I have had such wonderful conversations with people all over this country. I also have had the amazing opportunity of experiencing a taste of the rich Panamanian culture!

I'm going to work very hard to keep these lessons I've learned with me as I keep living my life and as I return to the US in a short eight days. I'm so excited to see everyone, especially everyone that's been keeping up with my blog :) and I want to dedicate this blog to Aunt Nancy, my number one supporter who was always so excited to hear about my semesters when I got home. I know that she's with me and that I will see her again.

Here are some pictures, in no order, of moments during my homestay...

I was able to help make the masa for the empanadas

homemade empanada selling team

we drank endless liquados and batidos (smoothies)

Arlette always wanted to go on walks with us but never seemed to spend the whole time on the ground

bundled up to sell empanadas at night

Arlette going to bed was an hour long process

going to pick up pizza from the nearest town 

everyone that lived in Guadalupe hung out during the last week to write out papers

Tres Cascadas hike

Arlette never stopped demanding photos be taken of her

commute view 

Manchas and I spent a lot of time together

what data collection looked like

the lemon trees in their backyard (they look like oranges but trust me, I tried to eat one like an orange and it was NOT an orange)

how dented my mattress pad was by the end of the month

one of the cafes in town was overrun with cats

Paddington caught red pawed drinking out of the compost water for the roses 

Manchas photoshoot

finding Empanadito

beautiful view from a cafe just outside of Guadalupe

Manchas being batted away from the new chicks

beautiful sunset 

view from the truck leaving Guadalupe

my presentation!